PiecesOfMe
by Judge-Douglas-Mason
Summary: Brass's body explains itself. Rated M, just in case
1. Willpower

Disclaimer: Nope, not mine. Wish they were, but they're not. Que Sera Sera 

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

Willpower

OooooooooooooooooooO

I am Jim's willpower. I make sure Jim doesn't make an ass out of himself. I also keep Jim's naughty thoughts from becoming naughty actions. I keep Jim's hands in his pockets and off of Sara's ass and his mouth shut when he wants to say something about how lovely her breasts look in whatever shirt she's wearing

Having known Jim all of his life, I think I know his mind and how to keep him in check. Though I am strong, at times I have been known to be somewhat weak, especially when it comes to Sara. When it comes to her I sometimes find it hard to keep control of Jim and his thoughts, which more often than not focus on her and the things he envisions doing to and with her.

Jim seems to have a hard time focusing on things when she's around and an even harder time when they're off by themselves. A lot of the time Jim wants to say something, as innocuous as it may seem, but frequently comes out as a stammer or brain fart. Its odd, really. When it comes to his job, Jim is a no nonsense, no bullshit cop. However, as I said, when Sara is around everything seems to go out the window. It's a hard time keeping Jim's mind on his work, but I get the job done as best I can.

I remember the first time Jim and Sara went out on a "date"; God, was that a chore. Every time he opened his mouth he said, not the wrong thing, but the right thing in the wrong way. His voice was stressed and cracked and his body language was way off. He was squirming in his seat nearly the whole time and constantly fidgeting with his hands or his fork or whatever was within reach. By the end of the night he was in a full out sweat and was finding it difficult to talk in coherent sentences.

By the time he had dropped Sara off at her apartment and gotten himself home he was a mess of regret by way of "God, I can't believe I said that" and "She must think I'm some sort of freak." His doubts, however were washed away when he opened his front door and his phone went off. Given the time of night he figured it could be only one person. He rushed inside and lifted the receiver to hear the beautiful sound of Sara's voice telling him that she'd had a wonderful time and that she wanted to have him over for supper the following day, to which he gladly accepted. That little bit of stress off his mind, Jim was able to get a half decent night's sleep. I say half decent due to the fact that images of Sara kept popping into his dreams at random intervals. Which in and of itself was not a pleasant thing, but whenever she'd show up Jim would picture himself back in the restaurant feeling like a schoolboy on his first date.

As Jim's willpower it is my function and duty to ensure that whenever he finds himself in an "off" situation he keeps his composure and his head. I think, so far, I've done a fairly good job of it. But like I said……………thus far.


	2. Eyes

We are Jim's eyes. We see just about everything that crosses our path. We see evidence where it lays. We see criminals in the act and we even see things we don't necessarily want to see. We see the after effects of spousal abuse, child abuse, drug use, misuse of firearms, stolen vehicles speeding down the strip and we see the members of the crime lab doing what they do best; collect, process and piece evidence together to make certain criminals end up where they belong……………..in the slam. 

We've seen Nick in the A/V lab tapping away furiously at the keys of the keyboard analyzing digital images trying to get a better look at someone committing a crime. We've seen Greg in the DNA lab running his tests on the Gas Chromatograph Mass Spectrometer and we've seen Warrick and Catherine bickering over whether they should dust or super glue something. But most and best of all, we've seen Sara Sidle and the way she hunkers down over piles of evidence she's collected, trying to decipher the meat from the bone, so to speak. We'll elaborate for clarity. The meat is what matters and the bone is just extra; something that gets thrown away.

We've even seen her naked, though we never expected to, but long wished we could. It was right after a particularly messy shift in which she and I were knee deep in mud from some bog or swamp of some sort. Anyway, the muck was deep and thick and when we'd finished Jim couldn't wait to get back to the lab, so he and Sara made a pit stop at his place and it was while he was setting some clean clothes out, clothes from a bag she kept in his closet, the water suddenly went off and the shower curtain snapped back to reveal her in all her naked glory. Jim was embarrassed, to say the least, but recovered nicely, handing her a wash cloth when she asked for a towel. They both blushed; Jim because he was awestruck and Sara because Jim wouldn't stop staring.

That wasn't the only time we've seen her naked, but that's not what this is about……….how many times we've seen a naked Sara Sidle. This is about Jim and how his body works, reacts and responds when Sara is in proximity. Just a little note, though; react and respond aren't the same thing. To react is what you do as a knee jerk, without any thought. Responding is what you do after you've thought about things and determined your course of action.

That having been said, we'll continue. We've also seen pain. Such horrible pain that you want to take it all onto yourself to spare the other the horror and discomfort of what they're going through. We cite as another example, Jim and Sara were at another scene wherein a wife had gone axe-happy and decided that her husband would look better in pieces and all the while the couple's adolescent daughter watched the whole thing happening. Much was similar to the circumstances of Sara's situation that as soon as Jim saw what had taken place he turned round' and saw the look on her face and it immediately registered in Jim's brain what was going on. It pained him so much to see her in that place that he immediately ushered her out of the house and called for another team to be brought in.

Later that night, when he'd dropped her off at his place, Jim called in sick for the remainder of the shift so he could stay and comfort her. He returned home to find Sara in their bed, curled up in a ball sobbing. He crawled into bed beside her and wrapped his arms around her, holding her to him. With every sob, sniffle and grief stricken gag, he pulled her tighter to him.

Like we said, we've seen quite a bit, being in Jim Brass's head and all, perhaps more than the average person might. But what we've seen we wouldn't give back for all the will in the world. While we've seen more than our share of bad, we've also seen quite a bit of good. We've seen the elderly being helped by outwardly appearing hoodlums. We've seen the lengths a person will go to in order to save a stranded or injured animal and we've seen the way that Sara looks at Jim…………………..with respect, love and adoration; all for Jim Brass.


	3. Arms

We are Jim's arms. We make it possible for him to gesture, lift heavy objects, subdue criminals and reach for things. 

As Jim's arms we've done many things, some good and some necessary. We've known pleasures and pains, alike. We've hugged Jim's daughter for quite possibly the last time and we've embraced the love of Jim's new life. When we say "new life" we mean, of course, the life he started out here in Las Vegas. Until she came along he more or less lead a solitary life, content to work, go home, sleep, wake up and get ready for work again. A boring routine, for sure, but it's what the job calls for.

Our favourite memories are the ones when Jim wakes from a day's sleep and finds that we're wrapped around Sara, her sleep breathing slow and steady, her chest rising and falling with every breath and the feeling of her heartbeat against our forearms.

We haven't only held her whilst she slept; we've also held her when she needed it, when her spirit called out for us. Her troubled past has left her scarred in more ways than one and as Jim's arms we actually enjoy embracing her when she's in need. Its nice to be needed.

We were really needed one day following a serious series of misfortunate events in which Sara had been kidnapped. She managed to escape; the clever young woman that she is. She made it all the way back to town and relayed the whereabouts of her abductor to the police and Gil Grissom. While she and Jim, followed by Grissom and Catherine, returned to the property where she'd been held so that Jim could arrest the bastard, Randall Emerich, Jim's hand held hers nearly the entire trip. When they arrived at the house off of I-15, Jim did a sweep of the perimeter and seeing that his back-up was delayed, he elected to go in by himself.

Randall, from the loud sound of the door being kicked in, scrambled from his lay-z-boy and made to escape, but was thwarted by an inside locking dead bold that required a key that he didn't have on him at the time. As Jim followed the bastard through the house and when he had the ass cornered in the kitchen, the guy grabbed a knife and struck out at Jim, but was blocked. Jim drew his sidearm and fired, hitting the man in the shoulder, sending him flying back and hitting the wall behind him. The perp got up again, tried another swipe at Jim and that's when we pistol whipped the guy.

Jim didn't go there with the intention of roughing the guy up, but when he saw the state of things and how casually the creep was sleeping, Jim's blood began to boil. This ass had kidnapped one of Jim's best friends and there was no way he was going to get away with it; Jim would see to that.

That was just one instance where we'd come in handy, as Jim doesn't really like to get physical with people unless he absolutely has to; when all other alternatives have been exhausted.

But as we said, our favourite thing to do is to wrap ourselves around Sara and just hold her. You see, we believe that there are times where the same amount of joy and physical as well as spiritual fulfillment can be obtained just by simply laying with someone in your arms without any sexual contact. Its nice to just…………………………..be.


	4. Hands

We are Jim's hands. We make it possible for him to write things down, feed himself, give people the finger and write things down in his little black notebook. We also enable him to open doors, pull out chairs and hold hands with Sara. 

As Jim's hands, we're obligated to perform these tasks as best we can. However, since Jim has UND (Ulnar Nerve Damage) in his left hand, our job is a bit harder, as sometimes his hand, from the elbow down to his fingertips, goes numb. At one time we were obligated to enable Jim to play Dionysus; the Greek God of libation. However, now, Jim's drinks are few and far between.

We are also very effective interrogation tools, used to emphasize Jim's point on a certain topic or stroke a victim's hand to soothe them. We are large hands; must be genetics, but we've always been that way. Jim's feet are large, too. You know what they say about a man with big hands and/or big feet, yeah?

Having been part of Jim since the day he was born, we've done quite a lot. We've held cigarettes, we've held bottles, we've written letters and we've even unearthed people. The latter I refer to was the time Nick Stokes was kidnapped and buried alive by some geriatric psycho with a death wish. Shovel in hand, we helped dig Nick from his potential grave and pull him free. From that point on Nick was never the same; nor was Jim.

Immediately following that incident Jim decided to ask Sara to marry him. They'd been seeing each other in secret for the better part of a year and the reality of the Nick situation hit Jim in the face like a Peterbuilt. He decided that he didn't want to go through life alone and that he wanted to spend the remainder of his days with the woman he loved.

This brings us to the jewelry store that Jim had frequented over the past few weeks and the ring that he chose to give her. We picked it up, examined it, reached for Jim's wallet and paid for it. It was to be at dinner the evening of that day that he would ask her to be his wife. All through the meal he was nervous; concerned that she didn't share his feelings, or DID share them but not to the same extent as he. When they had finished their meals Jim and Sara took a drive out to Meade and sat along the bank, on a log.

The moon bright and full and the stars dotting the night sky like a blanket with polka dots, they sat and watched the sky and water for a while until Jim turned to her and we took her hand. Jim swallowed hard and told her that he loved her, that he'd always loved her and that he wanted to marry him. Much to his surprise she accepted and that's when we were called into service for that night. We reached into Jim's jacket pocket and pulled out a small-ish hinged box and presented her with it. If we, as hands, had eyes, we would have loved to see the look on her face as we placed the engagement ring on her finger………..that surely would have been a sight to behold.

As we said, as hands, we're responsible for a great deal of tasks that make it possible for Jim to do his job and live his life. We've touched the evil and the good natured, alike. We've wiped the tears from children's faces and we've held the hand of the woman Jim loves.

All in all we do a lot and it would be impossible for Jim to function without us. But hey, its all in a day's work, right?


	5. Heart

I am Jim's heart. Without me Jim would not be alive, save for if he got an artificial one. I regulate Jim's blood pressure, supply blood and oxygen to his entire body and let him know when he's been overexerting himself. I have felt joy and heartache alike. I have felt that deep sinking feeling when Jim sees a child or other person in grief and I have leapt for gladness when Jim sees something he likes. I have also skipped a beat on more than one occasion, but that can only be attributed to Sara Sidle. 

The first time I skipped was most certainly the first time I saw her. She was wearing some form fitting, faded blue jeans and a very nice linen top with her hair pulled back into a sort of sloppy ponytail. Jim having seen her from across the lab, immediately felt me race and beat vigorously within his chest. His face began to flush and his hands to sweat. He didn't know why, at the time, his body was reacting in this way but from the get go he knew there was something very special about this young woman. From that point on, whenever Jim would see Sara, his body, along with myself, would react the same.

I remember when Jim decided to take his and Sara's relationship a step further and ask her to marry him. When she said "Yes,  
I began to beat faster, causing Jim's face to flush, his stomach to flutter and nearly every pore in his body to erupt with an uncontrollable sweat that went from his hands to his toes. His feet within his shoes became like pools of standing rain water, his toes all slippery and such. From that point on, whenever he'd see Sara, very nearly the same thing would happen. However, as time passed and he realized that things were not a dream I didn't have to work so hard. At present, when he sees her, I just flutter a little bit and only his hands sweat.

However, I choose to relate an incident in which I was filled with dread and fear, rather than joy and hopefulness. It was shortly after Jim and Sara had become engaged and he was forced to face the very real possibility that he might lose her. Jim was off that night but Sara was not. She was on a scene that had not been completely secured and as she went on about processing the site a man jumped from a closet and shot her, but not before roughing her up a bit. She had been struck in the face, upper body and abdomen, then shot in the chest.

Jim was at home when he got the call from Gil Grissom and Jim flew into action, throwing on some clothes and rushing to hospital. When he arrived most of the team was already there, waiting for the doctor's prognosis. After a short while a nurse entered the room and asked after any relatives. Jim being the closest one to being relation in the room, stood up and that's when everyone found out that he and Sara were engaged. Having stated that he and Sara were affianced, Jim was given some paperwork to fill out and as he sat quietly completing the forms, everyone just sort of stared at him; quizzical looks on their faces.

After about another hour a doctor entered the room and gave them an update. Sara was in very critical condition. She had some broken ribs, a collapsed lung and a shattered eye orbit. Having been told that Jim was her fiancé, the doctor ushered Jim out of the room and spoke to him in the hallway, away from the rest of the team. It was then that Jim learned that Sara was pregnant and that she may very well lose the baby. However it was too soon to tell. With some of her injuries the doctors just had to wait and see, observing her throughout the night and charting her progress or decline.

When he returned to the waiting area Jim said nothing of the pregnancy and just sort of slumped into his chair, is head in his hands. As he processed all of what he'd been told, I took on a hollow feeling and through feeling, sank within his chest. He felt as if I were breaking. He was also, at the same time, very angry. He was angry at the police officer that improperly cleared the house. He was angry at himself for not being there for her, to protect her and he was broken when he learned of the pregnancy and that they might lose their child.

For three days and nights Jim sat vigil at her bedside and left only to use the facilities and to stretch his legs. Finally, on the evening of the third day she woke up. Seeing her eyes flutter open and her glossy-eyed gaze sweep the room, I began to beat faster and this gave Jim a second wind. Reaching out and taking her hand in his, Jim's face was streaked with tears shed for his lady love and for their progeny.

However much he wanted answers to the many questions he had running through his head, he didn't press her. Foremost, he wanted to know about the child growing within her. He wanted to know if she knew and if so, for how long and why she didn't tell him. But as I said, he would wait for her to answer him those questions.

As I broke, Jim nearly broke down. He felt like I had been torn to shreds and ripped from his chest. However, as time passed and Sara got better, they spoke about the child, which, by the way, was doing just fine, and Jim's heartache, rage and sorrow changed to joy, hopefulness and a more intense love for her than he'd felt ever in his life.

Its hard to be a heart; governed by emotion. Its all so confusing at times. Our emotions take hold of ourselves and that effects the way I work. If our feeling is pain then I respond accordingly, as do I when we experience joy…………..and joy is what Jim and Sara are living right now………….such a pure and unedited joy, knowing that one day in the very near future there would be a little person coming into this world with Jim's good looks and Sara's intelligence.

From that point on, things would never be the same for Jim and I.


	6. Legs

We are Jim's legs. Without us he cannot walk, run or move about comfortably on his own. We've taken Jim many places. We've taken him to crime scenes. We've taken him on walks and we've taken him to this next step in his and Sara's relationship. 

On this day we've carried him from his bed to the bathroom for a shower and shave and from there we've taken him to his closet where his clothes await him. As he dresses himself we pace back and forth while his mind warps itself around the day's coming events. As the doorbell goes off, we walk him to answer it, only to find Nick Stokes and Gil Grissom standing on the other side dressed in their best.

As Jim continues to ready himself, we continue to pace as his brain goes over what will happen this day, how it will go off,  
what will happen after and how his life will change for evermore. Having finished dressing, we carry Jim to his car, accompanied by Nick and Gil. During the drive, Jim's emotions get in the way to the point to where he's driving well below the speed limit and only when Nick speaks up, does he realize just how much like an old lady he's driving.

From the parking lot at the church, we carry Jim through the large double doors and to the altar, awaiting the arrival of his soon to be wife. We pace again, while we wait and only stop when Jim's ears hear the sound of the organist playing a wedding march.

Slowly, we turn Jim around and when he sees Sara in her dress with their little "bump" prominently showing, he smiles. As she approaches, suddenly we're weak in the knees and we struggle to keep Jim upright. At last, they're standing side by side and as Jim takes Sara's hand in his the priest begins.

After having said their "I DO's" we walk Jim and Sara out of the church as man and wife.

As Jim's legs, we're often very busy what with work and now preparing for the imminent arrival. We spend most of our time in the workshop on the sideyard of Jim and Sara's new house, where he's building furniture for the little one.

Building cradle, wardrobe and chest of drawers for little Jackson Davis Brass.


	7. Hair

I am Jim's hair………….well, what hair he's got left. Without me he'd be bald. I really serve no function other than to keep Jim's crown from getting wind blistered or sun burned. I've been disappearing since Jim was in his mid twenties. I know Jim misses me, but it is what it is, you know? 

When I first started leaving Jim tried growing me long to conceal his receding hairline, but as time went on he came to terms with the reality of the situation and stopped trying to hide it. Now he keeps me close cropped, growing me out a little every so often, but as I said, most of the time I'm kept short………….less time in the shower, yeah?

Jim's wife, Sara, seems to like me better that way anyway. Sometimes Jim will fall asleep on the couch, listening to and feeling the baby growing inside Sara's tummy and she'll just sit there and rub me. She'll rub Jim's head until he falls asleep. She says she loves the feel of the short growth on her palm and finger tips. As for Jim, he really doesn't care if I'm cropped or have a little growth. As long as Sara is content to play with me, we don't care either.

Back in the late 70's and early 80's Jim tried the longer hair with the mutton chops and highlights. That turned out to be a most embarrassing endeavor, save for the single fact that all it accomplished was that it brought out the blue in his eyes. By the late 80's and early 90's Jim's hair was much the same as it is now.

With all of what's going on (I.E.- the baby, the new marriage and somewhat longer hours at work for both of them) I've started to disappear some more, almost as though he were molting. In the shower there's more of me in the drain than there used to be and its because of this that Jim is even considering some sort of hair transplant procedure. However, Sara said if he went for transplant or hair re-growth procedures she'd leave him. I guess she's very adamant about Jim keeping me as I am.

Having been with Jim all of his life, I've been through quite a few transformations. However, I think my current style will be with him for a good long time. As for my feelings on the "hair issue", I could care less, as long as someone pays attention to me.


	8. Brain

I am Jim's brain. Without me he'd be a vegetable. I allow him to register and mentally process everything Jim sees and feels.  
I tell him how to sweep a house, when to draw his sidearm and perform the most simple of tasks. 

While I am, without a doubt, an integral part of Jim's life (not his life as in home, work, etc. But life as in his being alive), I sometimes have a time of separating what I want Jim to do and what his emotions tell him to do. For example, if Jim is on the job and he's forced to draw his sidearm and he does, that's one thing. But if he knows the person in his sights, that's where the emotions come in. He knows he has a job to do but he feels hurt and betrayal by the perpetrator.

However, right now Jim is having a whole slew of emotions that I need to keep in check. As he stands beside Sara in the delivery room, being shouted at with "I'll never let you touch me again" and "we're not having this baby. I'm having this baby." As she squeezes his hand for all it's worth I find myself working overtime with all the thoughts running through me. Will Jim be a better parent this time around? What about schooling? What about medical issues? What about college? What about grandchildren? Its these things that Jim runs through me as the shouting and verbal assaults continue.

When all was said and done, Sara was exhausted and Jim held his son in his arms. As she rested, Jim visited the nursery and watched as the doctors and nurses performed the usual tests done on newborns. After a while Jim went back to Sara's room and sat beside her as she slept. Again, all those previous thoughts ran through me and I tried to sort them out as best I could.

But as I said before, its oftentimes hard to separate out emotion from reason. However, with all this new activity all I know is that Jim has got a long road ahead of him and it is my duty to facilitate his ability to deal with anything that life throws his way.


End file.
